"When people feel themselves and listen closely to each other - that's what makes me feel most alive."
The second 'Around the Fire' interview - Coach, facilitator and business consultant, Mark McCartney, shares a deep appreciation of silence, conversation and the value of his local Berlin community.
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Hello everyone I’m very excited to share the second ‘Around the fire’ interview on The Campfire.
A regular feature, I ask someone who inspires me and embodies the ethos of this newsletter (in their own way), 10 quickfire questions as they sit ‘around the fire’.
We’ll hear their perspective on the world through the topics of purposeful connection slowing down.
is a coach, facilitator, and business consultant. He spent over 15 years working in finance, which he left after ringing the bell at the New York Stock Exchange to pursue the bigger questions in life.
I started to follow Mark on LinkedIn when I came across his podcast
. His ability to listen, thoughtfully inquire and create meaningful connection between people is a real gift. He interviews an eclectic mix of people on a very BIG question, you can check it out below.Whilst many people are living life at 100mph, Mark’s runs unique weekly virtual conversations on big ‘life’ themes that stop people in their tracks. A bit like entering an online sanctuary, Mark creates a calm and thought-provoking space that uses silence to connect people. Using silence to connect people? That might sound strange, but it was a magical way to strip back all the barriers to the most basic essence of who we are.
Mark works with
to help businesses and employees build connection and better performance. He also offers individual coaching for those seeking self-inquiry and learn about themselves.”While my work has a few faces, at the core of everything I am doing, is connection - with ourselves and others - paying attention, inquiry, and a willingness to embrace the uncertainty”
Welcome Mark!
Throw a log on the fire and gather round 🔥
1. Let’s check in first - What’s on your mind right now?
I’ve just written something around our resistance to accepting ourselves as we are, and those questions are still reverberating around my head a little. I am really intrigued by either our resistance to our own nature or allowing ourselves to be ourselves.
2. The pace and digital-nature of modern life can make meaningful connection difficult - what do you find most challenging?
I’d say use of my laptop. I once left my phone at home for a year when I travelled the world on a sabbatical, so my daily phone usage and addiction is pretty negligible. I can’t however avoid my laptop as it is essential for work, and depending on the day I can be too distracted with the internet while working. Sometimes I am shocked at the number of websites in my history or I click onto LinkedIn and after 10 minutes of distracted scrolling I forget why I clicked on it in the first place.
“Life doesn’t have to be about fixing and solving, sometimes it’s just nice to have company in the uncertainty and ambiguity.”
3. What was the last thing you did to disconnect or slow down?
Each morning I take my baby daughter (6 months old) to my local cafe, no phones or gadgets for me, no toys for her, and we just watch the patrons of the cafe, interact with each other, and she occasionally tries to eat my nose. Other than that it would dog walks with my phone at home, a bit of meditation, or just sitting some place in silence.
4. What helps you stay connected to others?
Conversations. More specifically conversations that are emerging in the moment. Conversations without our typical defence mechanisms or projections of some sort of inflated version of ourselves. Where both (or multiple) people feel they are themselves and we listen closely to each other. It’s probably what makes me feel most alive.
5. What’s one simple thing you get a lot of joy from? (non tech-based!)
Walks with my dog, baby, and wife. I am blessed that my wife cracks me up so I think I get a disproportionate amount of joy out of a series of simple engagements with her, a late night chat, sharing an early morning song, she generally just makes me laugh. I also think walking with my dog off the leash is one of the great joys in life. Going into a cafe and knowing most of the patrons and all the people working there is also something which brings me joy (more than one but all sprang to mind simultaneously!).
6. Are you part of any communities? If so, what do you get from them?
Yes I live in my local community and after years of just saying hello or good morning to strangers I now know a lot of people in my local neighbourhood in Berlin. It leads to so many spontaneous moments of connection without planning anything / looking for like minded groups, etc. I get to know a far more eclectic group of people too. I also host weekly conversation groups that include deliberate silences and authentic communicating which make me feel very connected to others too. Life doesn’t have to be about fixing and solving, sometimes it’s just nice to have company in the uncertainty and ambiguity.
7. What do you know today that you wish you knew five years ago?
I don’t know if I wished I knew anything before, not saying that to be contrarian, but I believe that we learn from experience far more than we do theory or the words of others. If I could go back and change something it may unknowingly lead to something I’m very grateful for now not existing.
8. What was the last thing you learnt about?
I joined a conversation group that a mate was organising earlier today and I learned how everyone was feeling in the group, what their views on the theme of the discussion were, and once again that a lot of intimacy and connection is possible amongst strangers if we let down our guard.
9. Who inspires you at the moment and why?
I would say a partner of mine on a project we are working on. The guy quit really well-paid work in finance to go down the path of studying and practicing psychotherapy, really stuck to his values in making decisions that wouldn’t lead to greater comfort, was guided by a sense of the soul in the work he has created, and his work is now highly in demand and thriving. I see similarities between our paths, with him further down a path.
10. What’s one thing you’re working on that we should know about?
For a solo project I am working on, I’ve been holding weekly conversations on big life themes like Soul, Love, Work, Home, Intuition…where I’ve included deliberate silences, no introductions of the participants and no obligation to speak at all. The weekly experiences have been getting amazing feedback and I am building a course that I’ll launch at the end of March, it’s focusses on developing authentic being, relating, and connecting, in a disconnected world I guess.
Bonus: Your time around the fire is coming to an end - what are you going to take away?
The experience of connection I felt with others. I think it is unbelievably undervalued, just the actual experience itself, not what comes of it or where it leads to, simply the chance to feel connected to some other humans. We are convincing ourselves there are more important things to seek in life, but a lot of those endeavours or pursuits seem to leave us emptier than before.
You can follow Mark (
) and his great work atWhat stood out from Mark’s responses? It would be great to hear your thoughts on my guest today.
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